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{July 14, 2013}   No, thank you… I mean it. No thanks!

A week had passed. I responded to my inkling. From the five days “being” in those moments–> discoveries:

– I saw the eyes of students hungry for learning, not by the book, but from the so-called “expertise in the chosen field of every single educators walking in their classroom, either swinging by, killing time, impressing-trying-to-be only and there are few of those with substance”.

– seen how lessons swung by with time, “self-study” due to unreality-based time table. Discussed, in passing, undiscussed…who cares! Quiz it is! Self study!

– Teacher’s guide…. Hello! Follow….. Not just read, but rather…. ,act on it, innovate, improvise!

– which is which after all? Teacher in school ~period~. Mother, wife,homemaker in the house. Wait! What are those to check? To record? To create? To report? Hmmmm…shouldn’t those be done in the work domain? But not obviously, as the schedule is jump packed with subjects by subjects leaving the teachers no time for planning, innovating = preparing for the next day. Turned out, the domestic hub becomes the extension of the faculty room which should have ended after 8-9 hours of reaching out to students ( for the lazy ones, mimicking,pantomiming, parroting– still exhausting – give them a bit credit for walking in and out of the room).

-Go on? Give-up? G………GIVE UP! Hell yes!

Why?

What is the point of sailing alone…AGAIN?! One makes a difference is bologna! Been sailing for 15 years…. Mostly alone. You have no idea what I got…. (Though the “respect” is on the top bill). Emptiness, isolation and regret…..

in a wrong place.

Where essence, in its truest form is invaluable. Money talks,money matters.business as usual.

Ending?

Journey of finding my worth under the sun. I know it will come, I will find it. I will finally fit in. Definitely shall be finding myself not naive, not anymore.

with ideas/ values, same as mine or even more, wherein I have the pleasure of learning and not the other way around (which has been quite long enough) finally, to find someone to look up to and be inspired about. Not be disgusted about (again).

Somewhere out there…. I know I will find…

So what now?

Back in doing what I do best. Teach in my heart’s delight. ~> BUT

In refusal of being used by insolents. Unwilling for the cheap way to kill myself. Unrightfully compensated. Improper remuneration. I am yet Not starving to death to plunge in. No, thank you.

I mean it.

No, thanks!

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