{May 16, 2013}   Everyday, what is it like?

I am bound by routines, schedules, planners, calendars, time, time time.  Mostly, abiding by it at the utmost, at times due to circumstances, it changes, calling it “flexibility.

After I tuck my kids to bed, meaning, going to their room and make sure I kiss them goodnight, wrapped each one in the comfort of their quilt, check here and there and  if they are still awake, I love you’s & goodnight’s & sweet dream’s are over flowing before I leave them.  My only daughter gets to have her hair brushed along with the nighty-night’s and all. Then, I head on to our bedroom, do my stuffs, get my iPad and list, check, plan tomorrow, do my journal then read the ebook I am so engrossed with.

Though I am lying on the bed, words, list, tasks, keeps on popping in my mind. If I remember something, I grab my iPhone beside me and list it, otherwise, I’ll spend minutes digging up what was that “again?” on the next morning….

Yet, when I wake up, It always seems the same routine.  I noticed that what I do, not centers on me, but on my family and how I would make that day “d day” for each of them. From the breakfast, to their snacks, desserts, dinner and all. In my mind, the thoughts of them saying “wow” yum!, great, one more please, are music to my ears inspiring me to do best not realising how much time I may spend on each task. Then comes my career task at the side. But here is my point, since I get to choose working on my own pace, on my own terms and time, away from the “bosses” , deadlines unreasonably ???? etc.  I got to have the busiest schedule since then. But won’t trade the decision if I were to make it again. My Everyday gets to be with the real people in my life, whom truly cares for me, values my handwork, appreciates me, not use me for own advancement then talks back simply because I outwitted them. My kids should have been indeed, the first set of people who should benefit to my teaching methods, instead of them, being the least given attention hoping and assuming that they are doing just more than good job, knowing I am their mom, they won’y screw up and if incase, I am just a glance away (they know that).

But I overlooked them with the career I so loved, and it made us grew a bit like  strangers. But the time I have spent in the house working and dealing with every family crisis / individual crisis, errands of whatsoever, made us closer, bonded more easier that I discovered many things about each one, which I thought I have known enough of.  Just like a marriage, wherein you tend to discover everyday and learn something from your spouse, as you may have thought you’ve known enough for years and years and years of being together.  It is so much discovery when it comes to the children who are starting to build, react, interact without me or their dad at most times.  I feel blessed and not cursed ( just what I have thought all the while..hehe… because things turned out differently in terms of career) because I am sure that, given the choice, working moms (if given the means/chance/not faced with circumstances) would also wish for such time especially when you know that you can never get kids’ time back again. It is done. A day is a history. It would be sad that in that moment, you have missed it, though you’d still be a part of it through their stories—> it’s  good enough,  IF they would choose to share. Teenagers aren’t the type to share, unless, they are comfortable, used to and have you as their comfort place as they unleash, vent out, share the day of their lives. I get to be that Blessed mom. I may have neglected or overlooked that opportunity esp. when I think or see colleagues dealing a day professionally. My kids would at times interpret my day as grumpy, sad, wish at work day, but what they may not know is that I would never trade those times and all the times with them for the world. I am blessed to have a hardworking husband who provides what we need, that I am not forced to work (though of course, I have my personal reasons why I want to) but has a choice if I want to or I won’t.  He has always supported every decision I make.  What I have overlooked or assumed won’t be replaced by talks, pictures or stories. What I get to have everyday, everyday, everyday, are fresh hand details, with all their eyes glowing from excitement, smiles simple in the beginning of each story and grows wider as they get on to every detail.  I get to know what they like most in eggs, cakes, muffins; or how they like it with slices of fruits, what I should include in her plate that should put lesser on his plate and stuffs I could have missed while spending heroine moments trying to show the world how effective teacher I am, while my kids take chances if I can spare time to hear how has the day  turned out for them…I got to do that then, but not as extensive and focussed as now, that I get to be the first one to make them feel alright, when they enter the door, my arms are there to hug; kisses to assure I am right here,  assures that whatever it may be, it  will be alright. Those are the greatest Everydays of each breath I had taken and have spent with them and the every bit of my existence while they  grow up.

What is it like? hmmm…. I am taking a longggggg pause to answer in descriptive words…….what is it is like………… a long moment of pause because I can’t think of a word or words  suitable  to describe it….. huge? colourful? fulfilling? rewarding? bliss and at times? sad or maybe disappointing? could be much regretting? etc. etc…It s never simple, part of you is given up in exchange of the  totality of you—> the achievement of a  lifetime. The real “watching them grow” part of a parent’s life. And I had it, I still have it. Why would I trade it? The  feathers on  the cap , our (my husband’s and I) life’s achievement  that needs no cabinet nor shelf nor bars to show off trophies, medals, certificates, but them alone and the life that they  will make soon on their own through our rearing, guidance and support, our parenting—>   makes  a  life in existence worthwhile. Never easy, but the goal of getting it done at its utmost, the aim to  be better parents  is always and will always be ‘D goal.

And so each day, EVERYDAY …as this day…. is like…….


et cetera
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